http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/-t1.htm Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:59:51 GMT 10 http://i81.servimg.com/u/f81/12/41/46/65/untitl10.gif http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/-t1.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-foreign-legion-t4830.htm johno A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades. "And on the third day..." he began. "No! no! start with the first day," Everyone yells out in chorus. "And ... Jokes Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:59:51 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-foreign-legion-t4830.htm#125541 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-foreign-legion-t4830.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/kidnapped-t4829.htm maybee Billy is stuck in traffic jam on M2 motorway into belfast, suddenly a man knocks on the window and Billy rolls down window and asks whats happening. The man says the UDA have kidnapped the X Factor twins and are asking for £10 million or they are going to pour petrol over them and burn them. We are going from car to car having a collection, Billy asks, how much is everyone giving?, the man says "about a gallon".....!! Jokes Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:09:36 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/kidnapped-t4829.htm#125362 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/kidnapped-t4829.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/not-really-a-joke-t765.htm saffyre But I just had to post this: After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded ... Jokes Sat, 09 Aug 2008 23:50:52 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/not-really-a-joke-t765.htm#6288 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/not-really-a-joke-t765.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/price-of-gas-in-france-t4800.htm shedevil A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.' See if you have De ... Jokes Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:34:46 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/price-of-gas-in-france-t4800.htm#123297 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/price-of-gas-in-france-t4800.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/why-i-fired-my-secretary-t4763.htm shedevil Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a ... Jokes Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:20:26 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/why-i-fired-my-secretary-t4763.htm#122445 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/why-i-fired-my-secretary-t4763.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/hair-of-the-dog-t4758.htm johno My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once month. The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register ... Jokes Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:38:44 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/hair-of-the-dog-t4758.htm#122377 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/hair-of-the-dog-t4758.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/glasgow-pub-quizz-t4754.htm johno It's this pub quiz in Glasgow and the quizmaster says that for the last question there is a £20 prize. It's the fastest answer that wins, so if you know shout out The question is: " Take That's first album had four words in the title ". " The first two words were "Take That" ". " What were the last two words ". There is some mumbling in the audience then twenty seconds silence. ... Jokes Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:12:42 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/glasgow-pub-quizz-t4754.htm#122108 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/glasgow-pub-quizz-t4754.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/police-one-liners-t4751.htm wiseguy POLICE ONE LINERS These are actual comments made by 16 police officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 16."You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 15."Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 14."If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 13."If you ... Jokes Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:45:24 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/police-one-liners-t4751.htm#122058 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/police-one-liners-t4751.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/summary-of-life-t4745.htm johno GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't ... Jokes Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:34:15 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/summary-of-life-t4745.htm#121575 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/summary-of-life-t4745.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/let-sleeping-dogs-lie-t4711.htm gambit As the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, the dog began to howl loudly.

Uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know!"]]> Jokes Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:59:02 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/let-sleeping-dogs-lie-t4711.htm#120063 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/let-sleeping-dogs-lie-t4711.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/this-is-your-captain-speaking-t4694.htm johno Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back,relax and..... OH, MY GOD !' Silence followed! Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While ... Jokes Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:10:28 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/this-is-your-captain-speaking-t4694.htm#119672 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/this-is-your-captain-speaking-t4694.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/how-to-be-a-gracious-bitch-t4685.htm saffyre Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm ... Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:04:49 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/how-to-be-a-gracious-bitch-t4685.htm#119202 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/how-to-be-a-gracious-bitch-t4685.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/speeding-t4686.htm johno police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.' Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.' As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep ... Jokes Sat, 31 Oct 2009 16:33:22 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/speeding-t4686.htm#119293 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/speeding-t4686.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/gcse-hilarious-t4682.htm shedevil The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them ... Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:21:04 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/gcse-hilarious-t4682.htm#119038 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/gcse-hilarious-t4682.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/love-story-for-golfers-t4683.htm shedevil An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's ... Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:23:27 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/love-story-for-golfers-t4683.htm#119039 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/love-story-for-golfers-t4683.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/christmas-carols-for-the-disturbed-t4680.htm shedevil ** 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? * 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are * 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas * 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me * 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and..... * 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me * 7. Borderline Personality ... Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:52:45 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/christmas-carols-for-the-disturbed-t4680.htm#119026 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/christmas-carols-for-the-disturbed-t4680.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/you-should-not-believe-everything-you-read-t4679.htm shedevil The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it ... Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:45:14 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/you-should-not-believe-everything-you-read-t4679.htm#119019 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/you-should-not-believe-everything-you-read-t4679.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/peanuts-anyone-t4667.htm shedevil A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We ... Jokes Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:26:43 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/peanuts-anyone-t4667.htm#118611 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/peanuts-anyone-t4667.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/in-heaven-t4674.htm johno A newly deceased Englishman, stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. The Englishman, decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he goes with this woman, pretending to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend the Scotsman, up ahead - with an even uglier ... Jokes Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:13:10 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/in-heaven-t4674.htm#118902 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/in-heaven-t4674.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/password-t4669.htm shedevil During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using



the following password:



MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy



When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters... ]]> Jokes Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:33:47 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/password-t4669.htm#118645 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/password-t4669.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-bill-t4633.htm johno Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this... Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes ... Jokes Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:45:41 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-bill-t4633.htm#118032 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-bill-t4633.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/10-things-in-golf-that-sound-dirty-t4655.htm shedevil 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice , but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again. ... Jokes Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:23:23 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/10-things-in-golf-that-sound-dirty-t4655.htm#118463 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/10-things-in-golf-that-sound-dirty-t4655.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/in-hnour-of-stupid-people-t4663.htm Ice-Maiden In Honor of Stupid People . . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.. ------------------------------------------------ On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.) ------------------------------------------------ On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the ... Jokes Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:01:55 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/in-hnour-of-stupid-people-t4663.htm#118514 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/in-hnour-of-stupid-people-t4663.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/golf-t4661.htm Ice-Maiden Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the ... Jokes Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:50:08 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/golf-t4661.htm#118498 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/golf-t4661.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/dear-diary-t4654.htm shedevil Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tueay: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. Wedneay: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it ... Jokes Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:11:08 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/dear-diary-t4654.htm#118457 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/dear-diary-t4654.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/intelligence-test-t4651.htm shedevil If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of? Green Bricks? No, glass. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9 Q. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? A. Because it can't sit down. If a girl who works in a candy store is five feet three inches tall, and wears size five shoes, what does she weigh? Candy. Which burns longer, a red candle or a white candle? Neither, ... Jokes Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:14:24 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/intelligence-test-t4651.htm#118362 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/intelligence-test-t4651.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-scotsman-t4634.htm johno A Scotsman, after a recent football match, is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Scotsman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: 'You Scots folk eat the whole bread??' Scotsman: 'Of course.' Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect ... Jokes Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:53:27 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-scotsman-t4634.htm#118033 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-scotsman-t4634.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/liverpool-jokes-t4632.htm johno A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, ' Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Man ... Jokes Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:39:03 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/liverpool-jokes-t4632.htm#118031 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/liverpool-jokes-t4632.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/100-t4627.htm johno Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud. This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that ... Jokes Sun, 25 Oct 2009 07:43:23 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/100-t4627.htm#117355 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/100-t4627.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/wgs-balls-t4616.htm johno saffy and deante are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Saffy hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says, "You know, deante, these remind me of wise guy,s balls." deante, impressed says, "Hmm, that big, huh?" "No", Saffy answers. "That dirty." Jokes Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:54:43 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/wgs-balls-t4616.htm#116981 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/wgs-balls-t4616.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/little-johnny-t4623.htm johno little johnny went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine" Jokes Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:43:14 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/little-johnny-t4623.htm#117186 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/little-johnny-t4623.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/pills-t4624.htm johno A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's ... Jokes Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:47:32 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/pills-t4624.htm#117187 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/pills-t4624.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-cannibal-t4621.htm johno A. Wiped his ass.]]> Jokes Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:21:17 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-cannibal-t4621.htm#117184 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-cannibal-t4621.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/whos-the-daddy-t4618.htm johno A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor ... Jokes Fri, 23 Oct 2009 23:00:56 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/whos-the-daddy-t4618.htm#116985 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/whos-the-daddy-t4618.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/dont-mess-with-the-scots-t4613.htm johno Two Englishmen- businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in A broad Scottish accent asked 'What are ... Jokes Fri, 23 Oct 2009 07:55:00 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/dont-mess-with-the-scots-t4613.htm#116466 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/dont-mess-with-the-scots-t4613.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/give-a-man-a-fish-t4611.htm gambit
Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!]]> Jokes Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:37:18 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/give-a-man-a-fish-t4611.htm#116385 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/give-a-man-a-fish-t4611.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/drunk-man-and-a-leper-t4612.htm gambit A leper walks into a bar and takes a seat at the corner of the bar. The bartender is busy washing dishes. When he finishes he turns and walks to his new customer. He takes one look and pukes all over the floor, looks again and pukes more. The leper is offended and tells the bartender, "I know I'm not attractive but I do have feelings", "I got this while on a Christian mission". The bartender blushes and says remorsefully, "I'm sorry my friend, I wasn't Disgusted by your ... Jokes Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:41:08 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/drunk-man-and-a-leper-t4612.htm#116387 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/drunk-man-and-a-leper-t4612.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/old-folks-t4609.htm johno Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went to Taunton and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, There was a PCSO writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and Said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi Bastard. He glared at me and started writing ... Jokes Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:35:15 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/old-folks-t4609.htm#116375 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/old-folks-t4609.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/ex-girlfriend-t4608.htm johno A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table The wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife, "Who would think ... Jokes Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:27:47 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/ex-girlfriend-t4608.htm#116374 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/ex-girlfriend-t4608.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-last-ones-the-bestlol-t4577.htm johno Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'. Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: ... Jokes Sun, 18 Oct 2009 09:46:41 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-last-ones-the-bestlol-t4577.htm#114908 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-last-ones-the-bestlol-t4577.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-hugger-t4576.htm johno While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear pressed firmly against the trunk. Seeing this he inquired: "Just out of curiosity, what are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied. "You've gotta be kiddin' me." "No, would you like to give it a try?" Understandably curious, the man says: "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around ... Jokes Sun, 18 Oct 2009 09:33:03 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-hugger-t4576.htm#114905 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-hugger-t4576.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-bear-n-the-rabbit-t4579.htm johno A bear and a rabbit are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the rabbit and asks “Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit says “No, I don’t think so.” So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass. Jokes Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:47:25 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-bear-n-the-rabbit-t4579.htm#115079 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/the-bear-n-the-rabbit-t4579.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/best-blonde-joke-t1297.htm johno . ~POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER~ A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. 'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.' 'But, I always buy it here,' ... Jokes Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:01:03 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/best-blonde-joke-t1297.htm#20798 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/best-blonde-joke-t1297.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/magic-carpet-t4546.htm johno


I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it f***ing start?"]]> Jokes Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:08:46 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/magic-carpet-t4546.htm#114481 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/magic-carpet-t4546.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/two-ladies-talkin-in-heaven-t4545.htm johno Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get Warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. ... Jokes Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:02:44 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/two-ladies-talkin-in-heaven-t4545.htm#114447 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/two-ladies-talkin-in-heaven-t4545.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/whats-the-answer-t4543.htm johno A major International company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job. The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back ... Jokes Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:25:57 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/whats-the-answer-t4543.htm#114434 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/whats-the-answer-t4543.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/irish-logic-t4506.htm johno Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make ... Jokes Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:56:10 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/irish-logic-t4506.htm#112766 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/irish-logic-t4506.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/so-the-girls-ll-forgive-me-for-the-last-joke-t4533.htm johno Because they don’t get assholes until they’re married.]]> Jokes Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:03:17 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/so-the-girls-ll-forgive-me-for-the-last-joke-t4533.htm#113592 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/so-the-girls-ll-forgive-me-for-the-last-joke-t4533.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/kids-t4536.htm wiseguy This one is for everyone who... a) has kids b) had kids c) was a kid d) knows a kid e) is going to have kids. I guess that means all of us!! DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and ... Jokes Tue, 13 Oct 2009 08:44:07 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/kids-t4536.htm#113694 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/kids-t4536.htm http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/hell-ill-be-popular-for-this-one-t4532.htm johno Place to hang their air freshener.]]> Jokes Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:01:24 GMT http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/hell-ill-be-popular-for-this-one-t4532.htm#113591 http://3456.heavenforum.com/jokes-f4/hell-ill-be-popular-for-this-one-t4532.htm